Ways to Tell If You’re Stuck in the 80’s

A comprehensive list of ways to tell if you are stuck in the 1980s decade.

1. Your fondest childhood memory is when Skippy got his head stuck in the banister.

2. You relax by putting on your legwarmers and dancing to the “Flashdance” soundtrack.

3. You think the two Coreys are “totally awesome.”

4. You’re still bitter that Wham! broke up.

5. Punky Brewster is your hero.

6. You type all of your term papers on a Commodore 64.

7. You still resent your parents for not installing a dumbwaiter in you house like Webster’s.

8. The only video games you play are Frogger and Pac Man.

9. You’re building your own Clockwork Smurf.

10. Your summer attire is Jellies and Jams.

11. A-ha’s “Take on Me” is still your favorite video.

12. You consider yourself truly, truly, truly outrageous, much like Jem and the Holograms.

13. You wonder why more people don’t wear high heels, Jordache jeans and lacy white ankle socks.

14. You call all motorcycle cops “Ponch.”

15. Every time you go to the beach you look for Snorks.

16. You’re still upset Madonna and Sean broke up.

17. You know who Stinky Sullivan is.

18. You work out with “Get in Shape Girl.”

19. You want to be Molly Ringwald when you grow up.

20. You enjoy dancing on the ceiling and wearing your sunglasses at night.

21. You know who Loverboy is.

22. You think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion.

23. You think of Janet Jackson as “that girl who used to date Willis.”

24. You can sing the theme song to Small Wonder.

25. Every time you see a fountain you want to dance around it and yell “Fame!”

26. You still have a shoebox full of Garbage Pail Kid cards.

27. You write your congressman asking him to introduce a bill to make “Born in the USA” the national anthem.

28. You still use your Snoopy Sno-cone Machine.

29. You know it’s not “comma, comma, comma” it’s karma.

30. You stay up nights wondering what Bastian’s mother’s name was in the “Never-ending Story.”

31. You have nightmares about the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak.

32. You still practice your Care Bear stare.

33. You know that girls just wanna have fun-un.

34. You can name all of the Wuzzles.

35. You harbor a secret dream of being slimmed by Alistair.

36. You can do the Safety Dance.

37. In your spare time you are writing the “Breakfast Club 2.”

38. You like to “connect the dots, la la la la!”

39. Someone mentions Jennifer Beals and you don’t say “Who?”

40. Your prized possession is a collection of “Return of the Jedi” Shrinky Dinks.

41. You know whose number is 867-5309.

42. You get depressed thinking about Anthony Michael Hall’s career.

43. You’re starting a write-in campaign to MTV to bring back Remote Control.

44. You drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to.

45. You consider Jo vs. Blair the major philosophical conflict of the 20th century.

46. You have a duck phone and ride around your house on a little train.

47. You want to be one of the Solid Gold dancers.

48. You still watch things on Beta.

49. You want to change your name to Rio and dance on the sand.

50. Your favorite proverb is “some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on.”

51. You always waited for the Sweet Pickles Bus to visit your house.

52. Your favorite party game is Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

53. You know that “Weird Science” was a movie before a tv show.

54. You saw the New Kids on the Block when they were Tiffany’s opening act.

55. You liked Tom Hanks better when he was a crossdresser.

56. You know which Hollywood Square Jim J. Bullock was in.

57. You practice getting in and out of your car through the windows.

58. You have the tendency to trun up the collar of your polo shirts.

59. You’re still wondering who really was the boss.

60. You know what the “P” in Alex P. Keaton stands for.

61. You keep asking your teacher’s if instead of the quiz you can take the physical challenge.

62. You organize weekend tournaments of TV tag.

63. You still drink New Coke.

64. When you watch “Terminator 2” you wonder where Vincent is.

65. You know ALF’s real name.

66. You never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eyeshadow and feathered bangs.

67. You can name all of the Thundercats.

68. You got a hankerin’ for a hunk of cheese.

69. Everything in your wardrobe is either fluorescent of pastel.

70. Your musical inspiration is Sonny Mann.

71. Sometimes you just want to shout, shout, let it all out.

72. You’re planning a dream vacation to Mepos.

73. You use your Speak and Spell to phone home.

74. You know the original members of Menudo.

75. Sometimes out of the blue you just got to shake your love.

76. When you’re stuck in traffic you tell your car to engage Turbo Boost and are surprised when it doesn’t talk back.

77. You remember when Vanessa sang kareoke to “Locomotion.”

78. You know that Mr. Steele functions best in an advisory capacity.

79. People are constantly gagging you with spoons.

80. Your idea of appreciating ancient cultures is “Walk Like an Egyptian.”

81. The only thing you know about the Nazis is that they threw Indy to the snakes.

82. You still use your hair crimper before going out on a hot date.

83. You hatch plots to break Murdock out of VA hospital.

84. You know which five people Serpentor’s DNA came from.

85. You have the “We Are the World” on 45.

86. You’re still sending death threats to Mr. Rubik.

87. You can feel St. Elmo’s fire burning’ in you.

88. You watch NYPD Blue thinking, “Well they’re no Crockett and Tubbs, that’s for sure!”

89. “Goonies” is your favorite movie of all time!

90. You get thrown out of classical music concerts after interrupting a Mozart piece yelling “Ooooo, rock me Amadeus!”

91. You still mourn the death of Rudy’s goldfish, Lamont.

92. If someone says, “Who are you gonna call?” the first thing you say is “Ghostbusters.”

93. When someone calls for someone more than once in public, you start saying, “Bueller, Bueller, Bueller.”