Your butt is wide, well mine is too.
Just watch your mouth, or I'll sit on you.
The word is out, better treat me right,
Cause I'm the king of cellulite.
Ham on ham on ham on whole wheat, all right.

My zippers bust, my buckles break.
I'm too much man for you to take.
The pavement cracks when I fall down.
I've got more chins than Chinatown.

Well I've never used a phone booth,
And I've never seen my toes.
When I'm goin' to the movies
I take up seven rows.

Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--come on you know.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout.
Just tell me once again: Who's fat?

When I walk out to get my mail,
It measures on the Richter scale.
Down at the beach I'm a lucky man.
I'm the only one who gets a tan.
If I have one more pie a la mode
I'm gonna need my own zip code.

When you're only having seconds,
I'm having twenty-thirds.
When I go to get my shoes shined,
I gotta take their word.

Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it you know.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds.
Lemme tell you once again who's fat.

If you see me comin' your way,
Better give me plenty space.
If I tell you that I'm hungry,
Then won't you feed my face.

Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it you know.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
Woo woo woo. When I sit around the house,
I really sit around the house.

You know I'm fat, I'm fat--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it, you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know you know you know--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd.
Lemme tell you once again.

You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat--you know, hoo.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it, you know.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
And the whole world knoes I'm fat and I'm proud.
Just tell me once again--who's fat?


----------------------------------------

King of Suede

There's a sale on our gabardine suits today.
They're all thirty percent off from yesterday.
There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool and tweed.
Just a Visa or Mastercard is all you need.
We've got every color, we've got ev'ry shade.
We're located next door to Willy's Fun Arcade.
We got every fabric that was ever made,
But I'm known in this city as the King of Suede.

We got portly and regular and extra-long.
(Is my size up there?)
We got tailors to fix it, if it comes out wrong.
(Is my size up there?)
We got all kinds of sweatshirts, you can take your pick.
(Is my size up there?)
With the collars ripped off, like that Flashdance flick.
(Is my size up there?)

Our prices are low, my staff is underpaid.
You can buy off the rack, or have it custom made,
And it's all guaranteed to never shrink or fade,
'Cause of my reputation as the King of Suede.

If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom,
(Is my size up there?)
We can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan.
(Is my size up there?)
We got jackets with patches on the elbows, too.
(Is my size up there?)
And we'll sell 'em all factory-direct to you.
(Is my size up there?)

Well, I never made it past the second grade.
It took all of my life for me to learn this trade.
But my friends are all thinking that I've got it made,
'Cause I'm known the world over as the King of Suede.

There's a two-for-one sale on our three-piece suits.
Check out our suede pajamas and our suede-covered boots.
You can try on our suede underwear if you choose.
Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes.

King of Suede.

Don't miss out on our giant liquidation sale.
(Is my size up there?)
Look for our color catalog in next week's mail.
(Is my size up there?)
There's a sale on our double-knit slacks today.
It's the same old sale as yesterday.

Thirty years in the same location I have stayed,
There I am, right next door to Willy's Fun Arcade.
I got tough competition but I'm not afraid,
'Cause it's my destiny to be the King of Suede.

King of Suede.
King of Suede.
King of Suede.
I'll always be King of Suede.
I'll always be King of Suede.


------------------------------------------

Like a Surgeon

I finally made it through med school
Somehow I made it through
I'm just an intern
I still make a mistake or two

I was last in my class
Barely passsed at the institute
Now I'm trying to avoid, 
yah I'm trying to avoid
A malpractise suit

Hey, like a surgeon
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Organ transplants are my line

Better give me all your gause nurse
This patient's fading fast
Complications have set in
Don't know how long he'll last

Let me see, that I.V.
Here we go - time to operate
I'll pull his indsides out, 
pull his insides out
And see what he ate

Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Here's a waiver for you to sign

Woe, woe, woe

It's a fact - I'm a quack
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die, 
yah my patients die
Before they can pay

Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Got your kidneys on my mind

Like a surgeon, ooh like a surgeon
When I reach inside
With my scalpel, 
and my forceps, 
and retractors
Oh oh, oh oh, woe, oh

Ooh baby, yah
I can hear your heartbeat
For the very last time


-------------------------------------

I think I'm a clone now

"I Think I'm A Clone Now"

Isn't it strange
Feels like I'm lookin' in the mirror
What would people say
If only they knew that I was

Part of some geneticist's plan (plan-plan-plan)
Born to be a carbon copy man (man-man-man)
There in a petri dish late one night
They took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say

I think I'm a clone now
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

Look at the way
We go out walking close together
I guess you could say
I'm really beside myself

I still remember how it began (gan-gan-gan)
They produced a carbon copy man (man-man-man)
Born in a science lab late one night
Without a mother or a father, just a test tube and a womb with a view

I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
And I can stay at home while I'm out of town
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
'Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down

Signing autographs for my fans
Come and meet the carbon copy man
Livin' in stereo, it's all right
Well I can be my own best friend and I can send myself for pizza so I say

I think I'm a clone now
Another one of me's always hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
I've been on Oprah Winfrey - I'm world renowned
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
That's my genetic twin always hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)


----------------------

Another one rides the bus

Ridin' in a bus down the boulevard
And the place was pretty packed
Couldn't find a seat so I had to stand
With the perverts in the back
It was smellin' like a locker room
There was junk all over the floor
We're already packed in like sardines
But we're stoppin' to pick up more
Look out

Another one rides the bus
Another one rides the bus
And another comes on
And another comes on
Another one rides the bus
Hey
He's gonna sit by you
Another one rides the bus

There's a suitcase pokin' me in the ribs
There's an elbow in my ear
There's a smelly old bum standin' next to me
Hasn't showered in a year
Well, I think I'm missin' a contact lens
I think my wallet's gone
And I think this bus is stoppin' again
To let a couple more freaks get on
Look out

Another one rides the bus
Another one rides the bus
And another comes on
And another comes on
Another one rides the bus
Hey
He's gonna sit by you
Another one rides the bus

Yeah

Another one rides the bus
Another one rides the bus, ow
Another one rides the bus, hey, hey
Another one rides the bus, hey

The window doesn't open, and the fan is broke
And my face is turnin' blue
I haven't been in a crowd like this
Since I went to see The Who
Well, I should've got off a couple miles ago
But I couldn't get to the door
There isn't any room for me to breathe
Now we're gonna pick up more, yeah

Another one rides the bus
Another one rides the bus
And another comes on
And another comes on
Another one rides the bus
Hey
He's gonna sit by you
Another one rides the bus

No
No
Huh?
Yeah
Yeah



------------------------------------

Dare to be stupid

Put down your chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite

You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it's/its time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch

You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Wimpole's not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan

Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite on more than you chew
What can you do
Dare to be stupid

Take some wooden nickles
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be stupid

You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi and forget to leave a tip

Dare to be stupid
Come on and dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Let's go

It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it's time for crying in your beer

Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevyrolet
And party 'till you're broke and they drive you away
It's OK, you can dare to be stupid

It's like spitting on a fish
It's like barking up a tree
It's like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free

Dare to be stupid (yes)
Why don't you dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Dare to be stupid

Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatoes can be your friends

You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house and watch Leave It To Beaver
The future's up to you
So what you gonna do

Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
What did I say
Dare to be stupid
Tell me, what did I say
Dare to be stupid
It's alright
Dare to be stupid
We can be stupid all night
Dare to be stupid
Come on, join the crowd
Dare to be stupid
Shout it out loud
Dare to be stupid
I can't hear you
Dare to be stupid
OK, I can hear you now
Dare to be stupid
Let's go, Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid


----------------------------------

Don't you forget about meat

Hey, ooh, oh
One rule you all should obey
Eat from the four basic food groups everyday
Have bread, and vegetables too
Some dairy products, but whatever you do

Don't you forget about meat
Don't, don't, don't, don't
Don't you forget about meat


----------------------------------------

Eat it  (of course, a parody of Wacko Jacko's "Beat it")

How come you're always such a fussy young man
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raison Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate
So eat it

Don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, ooh

Your table manners are some cryin' shame
You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it

You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it

I don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more spam
It doesn't matter it it's fresh or canned
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeate it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it, you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it (oh lord)
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it (oh no)
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

---------------------------------------------------------

Girls just want to have lunch

Some girls like to buy new shoes
And others like drivin' trucks and wearing tattoos
There's only one thing that they all like a bunch
Oh, girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have lunch

I know how to keep a woman satisfied
When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide
They're always in the mood for something to munch
Oh, girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some lunch
Don't ask 'em to dinner or breakfast or brunch
'Cause girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have lunch

Girls, they want
Want to have lunch
Girls wanna have

She eats like she got a hole in her neck
And I'm the one that always gets stuck with the check
Can't figure out how come they don't weigh a ton
Oh, girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Is some lunch
Don't know for certain but I've got a hunch
Those girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have lunch

Girls, they want
Want to have lunch
Girls wanna have

They just want to
They just want to
Girls

They just want to
They just want to
Girls just want to have lunch

Girls
Girls just want to have lunch

They just want to
They just want to
They just want to
They just want to
They just want to
They just want to

--------------------------------------------

Yoda - parody of the song "Lola"..by..err..I dunno

I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
where it bubbles all the time
like a giant carbonated soda.
S O D A, soda,

I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name
and in a raspy voice he said Yoda
Y O D A, yoda,
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

Well, I've been around but I ain't never seen
a guy who looks like a muppet
but he's wrinkled and green
Oh my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

I'm not really dumb, but I don't understand
how he can lift he me in the air
just by raising his hand
Oh my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

Well, I left home just a week before
and I never ever been a Jedi before
but Obi-Wan said "You stay the course,
You go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force."

Now, I'm not the kind that'll argue with Ben
So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again
with my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

So I used the force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
But I won't forget what Yoda said, he said
"Luke stay away from the darker side,
and if you start to go astray let the Force be your guide."
Oh my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed
But, remeber if you kill him then
you'll be unemployed!"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
so I'm gonna have to leave Yoda, I guess
But I know that I'll be coming back some day
I'll be playing this part till I'm old and grey!

The Long-term contract I had to sign
said I'll be making these movies till the end of time
with my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
(continue to fade........)